EYE
OF
NEWT

WISDOM OF THE CRONE

A collection of Wit
Profound Sayings and
Just Plain Nonsense.

PARADOX

We have taller buildings,
but shorter tempers;
wider freeways,
but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less;
We buy more, but enjoy it less.

We have bigger houses
and smaller families;
more conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees, but less sense;
more knowledge, but less judgment;
more experts, but more problems;
more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much,
spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get too angry too quickly,
stay up too late, get up too tired,
read too seldom, watch TV too much,
and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions,
but reduced our values.
We talk to much, love too seldom,
and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life;
We've added years to life, not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street
to meet the new neighbor.
We've conquered outer space,
but not inner space.

We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've split the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait.
We build more computers to hold more information
to produce more copies than ever,
but have less communication.

These are the times of
world peace, but domestic warfare;
more leisure, but less fun;
more kinds of food, but less nutrition.
These are days of two incomes, but more divorce;
of fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are the days of quick trips, disposable diapers,
throwaway morality, one-night stands,
overweight bodies, and pills that do
everything from cheer to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the show window
and nothing in the stockroom;
It is a time to reconsider

A FEW MOMENTS OF MEDITATION

Definition of athesim: a non-prophet organization.

Why settle for the lesser of two evils?

If the Goddess is watching us,
the least we can do is be entertaining.

Never invoke the gods unless you want them to appear.
It annoys them very much.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt
in case the Otherworld is like the IRS.

I am an agnostic Pagan.
I doubt the existance of many of the gods.

And on the eighth day, the Goddess said
"All right you humans, take over."

Go thou and sin more creatively next time.

That was Zen, this is Zao.

Sects, sects. sects. Is that all you Catholic Priests think about?

In a crisis, call for Isis!

Give me that old time religion.
Hail Zeus!

Freedom OF religion includes
freedom FROM religion.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last life, either.

On the sixth day, the Goddess created the platypus and said
"Let's see the evolutionists try to figure this out."

Birth, life, death. Repeat as necessary.

I don't care WHO you are.
You're not walking on the water while I'm fishing.

A diagnostic is someone who doesn't know whether
there are two gods. Or anything else.

The gods like to see atheists around.
Gives them something to aim at.

As long as there are tests,there will be prayer in schools.

And it came to pass that in the hands of the ignorant, the words of
the great books were used to beat plowshares into swords.

I am ready to meet my Goddess.
Whether She is ready to meet me, is another matter.

A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender says. "What is this, some kind of a joke?"

The Goddess is a comedian, playing to an audience
afraid to laugh too loudly.

Confession without repentance is just bragging.

Everytime someone predicts the end of the world,
the gods push back the date a little, just to be funny.

I don't doubt YOUR existance. Signed, The Goddess.

WISE WORDS FROM THE CRONE

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.

Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.

Do not walk beside me either.

Just leave me the hell alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Aways remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

E
xperience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass. It goes downhill from there.

The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.

PLEASE CONTINUE